After taking care of my brother as he wasted away and died from AIDs, the end of my 18 year marriage to my high school sweetheart in an ugly parting that made the Divorce Court show look civil, and years of wrong turns, things not working out, and being flat-out disappointed with life, I tried to kill myself in June of 2007, by swallowing over 90 pills, mostly brain drugs. Because I wasn’t found in time, the drugs went all the way through my system wreaking destruction.
After a week in a coma, I woke up with a global, acquired brain injury (ABI), technically labeled encepalopathy, to a very different world. Initially, I was seriously mentally impaired and couldn’t retrieve words, remember the day, my sons’ ages, or that I’d gotten divorced. Physically, I could barely speak, couldn’t coordinate the acts of breathing and swallowing anymore, and had no fine motor skills. My ex-husband sued me for custody of our two sons, won, and promptly moved out of state with them. And I thought things were bad before?
Alone, for the first time in my life, I had no one to put my limited energy into but myself. Getting down right pissed off, I told myself, “If I have to live, I am NOT living like this!” Over the first year, I naturally healed somewhat and the more I recovered, the more I learned. The more I learned, the more I recovered.
Through years of daily work and such practices as neurofeedback, Brain State Technologies’ brain optimization, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, acupuncture, voice therapy, music therapy, cranial sacral massage, hypercapnia, visualization, meditation, cross lateral movement, bikram yoga, cardiovascular exercise, cognitive behavioral therapy, and more, I made a remarkable recovery. Although I still talk funny and have some slight manual dexterity issues, I’m better than ever, even with these.
The brain injury forced me to make radical changes in my lifestyle and mindset that I’d needed to make long before. Better late than never! Because the underlying belief systems and the perceptual foundation upon which I’d built my reality withered away along with brain cells, I got to start with a clean slate, so to speak.
By consciously working with and altering my thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, I transformed my world which, in turn, changed my physical brain and its default mode of operation. Today, I live a brain healthy lifestyle incorporating mental health practices daily to maintain the balance and happiness I’ve found.
Our brains are neuroplastic, meaning that their structure and function are literally, physically shaped by that which we do repeatedly in our lives – behaviors, emotions, and even thoughts. This works both for you and against you. We have much more power to recover from a brain injury, improve our brain’s functioning, recover from depression, and create our own happiness and reality with the gray matter between our ears than ever thought.
Neuroplasticity is the super power we all are born with and possess until the day we die. On my blog and website, I share information about the tools I used to recover from my suicide attempt/brain injury physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually and related topics to inspire and encourage you to take control of and change your brain for the better, which will change your life for the better. Promise!
I live in Greensboro, North Carolina with my six cats (yes, six) and an elderly Jack Russell Terrier where you can find me reading, writing, gardening, and doing hot yoga. I am co-owner of Revolution Hot Yoga with two other beautiful yoginis.
I have written a memoir,Sex Suicide, and Serotonin, and have an edited, full manuscript ready to go. Are you an agent or publisher or know of one and want to help me tell my story?